It was in defiance of that isolating silence that I started Four Little Words, an on line grief community that grew and grew and now connects thousands of us through the loss of our loved ones. Through my voluntary work with bereavement charity Cruse and my own private counselling practice, I have had the privilege to walk alongside many bereaved clients as they make their way through the difficult emotions that can accompany grief. And then came Little Bird.
Beautifully illustrated by the very talented artist, Freya Thompson, my book incorporates recognised grief models into the story which aims to show how unbreakable bonds can help the world grow bigger again around devastating grief. We see Little Bird realise that it’s ok to sit with her sadness whilst allowing allow happier moments in too as she begins to look to the future. This is the premise of the dual process model which advocates that healthy grief is letting ourselves move back and forth between loss and new life.
A theme central to the book and indeed its title, is the hope offered by the Tonkins model …we don’t have to leave our grief behind but in time, our world will grow around it again making it less painful and all consuming. Just as Little bird finds out, the sky can grow bigger again for us..
The theory that I find the most useful and comforting both personally and professionally, the one that helped me the most when my parents died is that of continuing bonds. Death ends a life not a relationship. By saying someone’s name, sharing their story, remembering them and cherishing their legacy we can keep them in our present life even though they are not physically there…little Bird feels her mum beside her as she flies onwards into her new sky, full of her mum’‘s love and all her memories.
I am aiming to donate as many copies of Little Bird as I can to local schools to help bereaved children and give teachers a tool to support their pupils through their pain. My biggest wish for my book is that it will help to start those important conversations around grief, maybe making them a bit easier. I hope more than anything that it brings comfort and understanding to little birds, big birds or any birds who have lost someone they love. ❤️